10 Things I'm Pretty Sure Are Facts (6-18-08)

Readers of Natellio blog, meet “Things I’m Pretty Sure Are Facts (TIPSAF),” my new bi-weekly blog entry. Simply put, it will contain a various amount random observations that I have discovered along the path that is my life, and am passing them on as fact. Some of these facts could be realizations that dramatically affect my life, while others you may think are worthless ramblings of a very odd young man. They’ll all be mixed together in no feasible or discernable order, and you can decide which fall into which category. This should be something you should begin looking forward to.

1) I don’t write on my blog enough. I just have it sitting here. What a waste. The good news is that it is the leading referring site to Foamcraftinc.com, which is a really big deal, and you’re all a part of it.

2) I don’t miss college at all anymore. Yea, it was great time. Yea, I learned a lot there. Yea, I’ll never have a time in my life like it again. But in all honesty, I’m glad I’m passed it and in a new stage of life. The great times I had and the things I learned then are being applied to make my life more enjoyable now. And if I’m convinced that college was the best, and will always be the best, four years of my life, it makes it even harder to wake up in the morning. It’s a little easier when you believe that the best times are still to come.

3) I hate waking up in the morning. It immediately puts me in a bad mood. Too many times the only thing getting me out of my remarkably comfortable bed is the knowledge that at some point I’ll get to come back to it.

4) Jordan Crawford is a moron. He could have become one of the most beloved players in IU history by persevering and sticking it out through a seemingly intolerable situation. He could have taught us all a lesson about not giving up and fighting for what’s right. He could have had the entire Hoosier fan base respecting the crap out of him for being the last guy left from Sampson’s garbage bag. Someone may have even made a movie about the whole thing one day. Then he ran away and left poor Kyle Tabor as the only leader of the team. Seriously Jordan, you’re going to make Tabor be the captain of the team? Eff.

5) Fax machines are awful. They work sporadically at best, provide nothing an email can’t, and make terrible noises. Especially before 9am.

6) “Critters” are awesome. We have a lot at my house. We have a resident groundhog, who although is greatly disliked by my parents, is completely breathtaking. The dude has thumbs. THUMBS! We’ve recently had a run in with a man-eating snapping turtle who was attempting to lay up to 83 eggs next to my garage. She was taken over a mile away, across two heavily trafficked roads in suburban Indianapolis, and found her way back in less than two days. Upon her return, she was bombarded with bottle rockets and firecrackers. She has since found a new place of residence, and we wish her only the best.

7) I’m really excited about next year’s IU basketball team. We won’t be good, and we certainly won’t make any sort of tournament, but I really like the idea of having absolutely nothing to lose game in and game out. Equally exciting, is that all of our players will be getting an absurd amount of playing time, grooming them for domination when they become upperclassman.

8) I love Noodle Day. Some people have casual Fridays, some people have little office birthday parties, we have Noodle Day. There’s this place on Pendleton Pike called Sandra’s Noodles, and it is delicious. Today was noodle day.

9) Roger Federer won’t win Wimbledon this year. Mark it down. He’s only won two tournaments (no majors) this year out of ten, three of which losing to Rafael Nadal. Of those three losses to Nadal, he’s only won a single set. As much as I thought he was going to be the best tennis player to ever live, it appears his rein on the top is coming to an end.

10) Things in life do NOT happen by chance. The timing in which events happen, the places we find ourselves, and the people we find ourselves with are NOT coincidences. And fortunately, for our own well-being, we’re not in control of any of it. I think I’ve always believed this, but had never really experienced it until recently, or at least never really paid much attention. But seriously, it’s borderline ridiculous how I can look at specific points in my life and see how each one of them has contributed to putting me exactly where I am right now. And as a side not, I’m really excited about where I am right now.

Current Events - May 16, 2008

So the news around the world over the last few weeks has not been good. Between cyclones, earthquakes, politics, and oh so much more, it becomes harder and harder to keep a good mood while watching television, reading the paper, reading websites, talking to people, etc.

Enter Yahoo Odd News.

Some of you may know that I am frequent of this page, linked off of Yahoo's regular news page. Some of you may remember this post about the violent theft of a bag of gourmet tacos. Maybe you heard about this story during Super Bowl time about a dog who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or maybe you've heard me tell this story, doubting it was really true, about what can happen when no one is brave enough to challenge the decisions of a deranged leader (in this case, a sheep).

Fortunately, I checked Odd News today. And the headlines were simply incredible. I will now share the headlines, the first paragraph of each story, and my analysis (which will be italics).

1.) DNA Tests Exonerate 'Lizard Man' in Van Attack

... what?

BISHOPVILLE, S.C. - DNA testing has shown an attack on a family van some blamed on the legendary Lizard Man appears to have been actually done by a domestic dog. Something chewed up the front fender of Bob and Dixie Rawson's van in February. Bite marks were left on the wheel wells and blood was found on the vehicle.

I have several questions. WHAT LEGENDARY LIZARD MAN?! How did take 3 months to figure out that it wasn't 'LIZARD MAN' who chewed up this family's van?! Why are domestic dogs in Bishopville chewing on cars to the point where it draws blood?!?! WHAT LEGENDARY LIZARD MAN?!

I will never visit Bishopville.

2.) Baby Subpoenaed for Unpaid Chiropractor Bill

HARRISONBURG, VA - A Harrisonburg court dismissed a case against a baby boy summoned to appear in court for an unpaid bill. Richard White said he was chocked when he got a subpoena in the mail requiring his 1-year-old son, Jacy, to appear in Rockingham County General District Court next Tuesday over a $391 chiropractor bill.

This is not a good start for Jacy. Most people try to stay out of the court system at least through high school. Wait. Most people try to stay out of the court system their entire lives. Jacy here is clinging on to pampers while evading federal marshals.

Do you think Obama's new health care plan will include 1 year-olds with bad backs? It better.

3.) Pair Say They Attacked Each Other with Frying Pan

CROSSVILLE, Tenn. - Out of the frying pan and into the fire. That's pretty much what happened to a Cumberland County couple arrested and charged with whacking each other with a frying pan.

Was frying pan was fresh off a burning stove. That would be awesome. Equally awesome in this case is the fact that both people were able to get a shot in. Almost as if they were taking turns.

4.) Police Say Men Trying to Steal Power Lines Were Shocked

What a profound headline...

CONFLUENCE, Pa. - Two Somerset County mean are charged with trying to steal live power lines that were still attached to a transformer and utility poles.

I always love it when people are arrested doing things like this because not only to they get completely humiliated by their idiotic decisions, but then they get arrested for them. Is that mean? I can't really explain how amazed I am by this. I want to meet these guys.

THE END

I FOUND him!

After nearly a month of waiting for a response from my last post, AL, our beloved politician turned scientist/movie producer/meteorologist/manbearpig hunter, has finally emerged from the depths. Of course, it's in the wake of what will go down as one of most tragic natural disasters ever. Sweet timing Al.

Me: What's been up Al?

Al: Only the temperature of the entire planet, including places where all the glaciers live and every ocean. Especially that one where all the glaciers live.

Me: Dude.

Al: I kept telling you people it'd get warm outside. All you selfish people and automobiles and spray paint are making it too darn hot.

Me: It's spring Al.

Al: grumble grumble grumble

Me: Seriously Al, why did you have to come out and talk about global warming right now? It makes you look even worse because now everyone thinks that you're using an awful tragedy for your personal political gain. Plus, we all still think your certifiably insane. Do you have a response? 

Al: Honestly, would you rather have me or Obama?

Me: I don't know.

**note** I don't want to poke fun at what happened in Myanmar, just Al. I can't properly put into words how horrifying and devastating that must be for those people. I find it outrageous that Al publicly blames the deaths of potentially over 100,000 people on global warming, which he of course blames on us, which indirectly makes us responsible for the cyclone. I'm sure that's what the people of Myanmar need right now. Maybe global warming is really as big of a problem as he thinks, maybe it's not. But, since I know that manbearpig isn't as big of a problem as he thinks, I'm not sold yet on global warming.

"It's half man, half bearpig."

"It could be bear, half pigman."

Have you seen this man?

It's 42 and raining outside right now. On Friday it was 36 and raining during my lunch break. It's basically April. I thought all this global warming hogwash was at least going to bring spring earlier. NOT HAPPENING. This is just stupid. I was going to play golf today.

Me: Al?!

Al: grumble grumble grumble

Me: What the crap Al!! Chicago got like 8 inches of snow last week. What say you! I haven't heard from you or your cronies since the summer!

Al: You people simply aren't focusing on the bigger issue at hand. I'm serial.

Me: Is that right? What's the bigger issue Al?

See below.

The Face of the 2008-2009 Indiana Hoosiers

I'm going to miss DJ White. It's not every day that a player like him comes through any school, and finding a replacement for his ability, work ethic, and leadership will probably be more difficult than can be explained. Unfortunately, it's something that needs to be done. Someone has to step up.

Enter Armon Bassett. The little 6'0" shooting guard from Terre Haute, that was only a three star recruit two years ago. The first time I saw him was the 3 pt contest at the 2006 Hoosier Hysteria. He knocked down 15 (11 in a row at one point) without even shooting all 25 balls. I looked at my dad wondering who the kid was, and where the heck we found him. After his sophomore season, he led the Big 10 in 3 pt shooting percentage, greatly improved his ability of making his own shot, and will become the guy that players look to for guidance, especially with Dakich running the team for at least the next few weeks.

Last night he was only guy (other than DJ of course) who appeared to want to win, or even be there, at all. He was 7-9 from the field, 21 points, and 7 assists. He'll be the guy that can raise Jordan Crawford into the player he could be, the guy that will talk some sense into and motivate Jamarcus Ellis, and find DeAndre Thomas a 24 oz. steak, a double cheeseburger, $20 worth of tacos, and another 24 oz steak.

He needs to be the guy that the new coach takes under his wing the way Chief took DJ.  He needs to be the guy that helps everyone (myself included) forget about this nightmare of a season and look towards the greener grass ahead of us, which despite how it looks right now, is out there.

So sleep well IU fans! Things can only get better at this point.

Season starts Thursday

For our own emotional and physical health, let's all forget last night's Big Ten tournament. Instead, watch this video, remember better times, and get excited for what lies ahead:

And let's not forget, we still have this guy:

Who as we saw last night, will do anything he can to make sure we win the game. 

So sleep well IU fans, the season starts Thursday.

Film Review: Semi-Pro

So one of my biggest regrets of 2007 was my lack time spent in the movie theatre. I'm embarrassed to reveal that I failed to see a single movie up for best picture. Fortunately, this is an issue that I have the opportunity to remedy.

Thus, let's start strong in 2008. I give you my review of the first "film" I've this year.

SEMI-PRO

Starring: Will Ferrell, Woody Harrelson, Andre 3000

Director: It doesn't matter

First of all, there's actors who are type-cast, and then there's Will Ferrell. Will is lucky enough to not care about that, and just gets to play himself in every role. His character Jackie Moon is more or less Chaz Michael Michaels with basketball shoes instead of skates. Chaz was basically Ricky Bobby with skates. And Ricky Bobby was undeniably Ron Burgundy without the suit. But to be honest, that's all I want. And I think the entire reason people go to Will Ferrell movies is to see what he'll say next, as it's pretty clear the script is thrown out the window when the camera starts rolling, which is a good thing.

In fact, the creators of Semi-Pro, similar to the creators Blades of Glory, have no intention of forming any sort of plot, character development, resolution, or climax. We remember in Blades of Glory that they just said screw it, let's have them fly out of the skating rink for no apparent reason. In Semi-Pro, they say screw it, let's have several people get mauled by a bear named Duey, dress Will up in a sun costume, and use multiple close-ups of Will's crotch during what should be the most dramatic moment in the picture, because frankly, who cares! And amazingly, I can't ask for more. I'd much rather spend $10 to watch Will Ferrell do whatever the heck he wants to, rather than watch Will Ferrell try and develop a character.

Anyway, the movie doesn't quite measure up to Anchorman (which is my undisputed favorite Will Ferrell movie), as you don't quite fall in love with Jackie Moon the same way you do with Papa Burgundy, nor did I leave the theatre with as many one liners to use in my every day life. To be honest, I'd probably put it slightly behind Blades of Glory and Talledega Nights, but my guess is that just like all of these ridiculous movies, it gets funnier the more you see it. And I would certainly enjoy seeing it again, so I suppose it was a success.

Grade: B-